Ask TLSoulDude
by TLSoulDude
Summary: Based off Ask ThatGuyWithTheGlasses. I will answer any question be they serious or stupid...as my insert in a high-class wardrobe. Rated for some crude humor.
1. Chapter 1

(Sorry if I get this wrong. I haven't watched AskThatGuyWithTheGlasses.)

Ask TLSoulDude

TL was sitting on an armchair while reading "Graphic Novels for Dummies". He looked up, started, put the book away, and pulled out a pipe (which he immediately blew three bubbles out of).

"Hello, today." TL said in a surprisingly sophisticated tone, "I'm TLSoulDude, hosting Ask TLSoulDude…in case you didn't know. This fanfiction simply exists so that I can answer any question you may ask me. Like this one from (name and address withheld)."

TL pulled out a letter, opened it, and read it.

_Dear TLSoulDude,_

_What is the square root of pi?_

_Sincerely, _(name and address withheld)

"Very good question. But I do not understand why pies would have square roots. But, personally, I prefer the flavors of apple, pumpkin, and blueberry."

"Next question is from (name and address withheld)…"

_Dear TLSoulDude,_

_If a train leaves Chicago at 9:30 a.m. going at 30 miles an hour, and another train leaves Colorado at 11:30 a.m. going at the same speed, at what time will the two trains meet?_

_From, _(name and address withheld)

"Very good question. All in all, I don't care. Because if these two trains meet, they will crash, resulting in the deaths of countless innocents."

"One more letter. THIS one is from (name and address withheld)."

_Dear TLSoulDude,_

_Are you gay?_

(Name and address withheld)

"Very good question. If you were to say that to my face, I would rip off your arms, force you to eat them, and then crucify you with their bones. I exaggerate, but seriously, I am NOT gay."

"This is TLSoulDude, saying if you have any questions, be they stupid or serious…keep 'em comin'."

TL blew a few more bubbles, then said one last thing.

"Ta-ta…"

(Seriously, if you have a question, send me a PM or put it in a review. It can be as funny or as serious as you want.)


	2. Chapter 2

Ask TLSoulDude

TL was sitting on an armchair while reading "Graphic Novels for Dummies". He looked up, started, put the book away, and pulled out a pipe (which he immediately blew three bubbles out of).

"Hello, today." TL said in a surprisingly sophisticated tone, "I'm TLSoulDude, hosting Ask TLSoulDude…in case you didn't know. This fanfiction simply exists so that I can answer any question you may ask me. Like this one from my dear friend, Xemnas1992."

_Dear TLSoulDude,_

_I've been cast as everyone from Sebastian the Crab to Goldie Pheasant from Rock-A-Doodle. What's the one role that you hope to never see me play?_

_Signed, Xemnas1992_

"Very good question. I would have to say…ANY role by Arnold Schwarzenegger. From Mr. Freeze to Terminator, I hope you will NEVER do any role by the Austrian beef sandwich…who governs California for some reason."

"Next is from my acquaintance, jjb88."

_Dear TLSoulDude,_

_Can you do the fic I gave you in the private message please?_

_From, jjb88_

"Very good question. However, I must turn you down for the simple reason that, fanfiction-wise, I am completely SWAMPED."

"Next up is a letter from KingHuffman…"

_Dear TL,_

Besides being an Author Fighter, Fanfiction Writer, High School Student and practical joker, what is your profession? And who do you think is more deadly? Roman Legionnaire? Or Aztec Jaguar Warrior?

"Very good question. As for my profession…I am Gotham's silent guardian. I bring fear to those who prey on the fearful. I am the Dark Knight. I…AM…BATMAN! And, of course, by THAT I mean I just sit around the house all day, writing, watching the Simpsons, and eating Fritos. And I think that a Roman Legionnaire's more deadly."

"This is TLSoulDude, saying if you have ANY questions, just ask. C'mon, don't be shy!"

"Right now, all I can say is…so long and thanks for all the fish."

(WHAT FISH?!)


	3. Chapter 3

Ask TLSoulDude

TL was sitting on an armchair while reading "Graphic Novels for Dummies". He looked up, started, put the book away, and pulled out a pipe (which he immediately blew three bubbles out of).

"Hello, today." TL said in a surprisingly sophisticated tone, "I'm TLSoulDude, hosting Ask TLSoulDude…in case you didn't know. This fanfiction simply exists so that I can answer any question you may ask me. Like this one from wildrook…"

_Dear TLSoulDude,_

_When are you going to update the INSANE CRITIC!?! If anything, there's a fic called Shinji and Warhammer 40K._

_Signed, Wildrook_

"I'll answer with just two simple words—coming soon!"

"Next up is from Slop Doggy…"

_Dear TL,_

Do any of the Author Fighters, besides Team Ultima, of course, know each other in real life? and if so, do you guys get together and plan fics?

Be safe and well

Slop Doggy

"Alright, I'll answer this one seriously." TL said, dropping the sophisticated accent, "I know DM and Hikari know each other in real life, along with DestinyZX and Spytlak, and we know Angelic Soldier. Other than that, I don't think anyone from the AF knows anyone in real life. We discuss our fanfiction ideas on the forums."

"Moving on." TL said with his sophisticated accent, "The next one is from SeeYouDownInArizonaBay…"

_Dear TLSoulDude,_

_Why does your story suck so bad? Why did you ignore the TOS page that specifically states that interactive stories aren't allowed? Is there any reason why I shouldn't report this story?_

A disturbing smile formed on TL's face.

"If you were here in real life, I would strangle you for that statement. Now, I'll just drop it."

"One more should make up for that." TL continued, a regular smile appearing on his face, "The next one is from my friend, Dezblade."

_Dear TLSoulDude,_

What exactly is an Author Fighter? How many are there and what is their quest?

Dezblade

"An Author Fighter is one of the Fanfiction Author Fighters, led by DarkMagicianmon. Our quest is to rid fanfiction of flamers like the one you saw up there. Though, we DO write fanfictions about fighting beings of darkness called Darksides. I hope that sums it up."

"This is TLSoulDude saying if you flame me, I will personally fund your assassination. I may be Christian, but I'm no saint."

"Just ask me any question, no matter how serious or stupid it may be."


	4. Chapter 4

Ask TLSoulDude

TL was sitting on an armchair while reading "Graphic Novels for Dummies". He looked up, started, put the book away, and pulled out a pipe (which he immediately blew three bubbles out of).

"Hello, today." TL said in a surprisingly sophisticated tone, "I'm TLSoulDude, hosting Ask TLSoulDude…in case you didn't know. This fanfiction simply exists so that I can answer any question you may ask me. Like this one from jcogginsa…"

_Dear TLSoulDude,_

_Does 2 plus 2 equal fish, or banana bread?_

_Signed, jcogginsa_

"I would say banana bread if applied to pickles to the third power of air fresheners."

"Next is from Roudyredd…"

_Dear, TLSoulDude,_

What gave you the idea for your Prince of Heart stories? They were really good and I admired how well you write.

Sincerely,  
Roudyredd

"I had an idea for Prince of Heart for a while before entering fanfiction." TL answered, "But the original story idea was SO lame that I won't even go into details. However, the main thing that got me rolling, story-wise, was when I read Kingdom Hearts III: Hearts of Gold. The result is obvious."

"Next up is from Dimentio713…"

Dear TLSoulDude,

If there was a giant bomb heading towards Earth what would you do?

From, Dimentio713

"I would do what ANY man would do—cry like a baby and remain in a fetal position until it came and blew us all to Kingdom Come. Yes, I AM a chicken."

"TeenagedReaper1994 asks…"

_Dear TLSoulDude,_

_How the heck can your and your brothers have all the powers you got? I just want to know what they are and how they work._

_Signed, TeenagedReaper1994_

"My brothers and I get our powers from a power source on our home world of Fictor," TL explained, "The Imagination River. The chances of you ACTUALLY guessing which power you'll get is two to the power of 2,367 to one."

"This is TLSoulDude, saying if you have any questions, please ask them." TL continued, "All I can say is…that's all for this chapter!"

(Wow. Spontaneous…)


	5. Chapter 5

Ask TLSoulDude

TL was sitting on an armchair while reading "Graphic Novels for Dummies". He looked up, started, put the book away, and pulled out a pipe (which he immediately blew three bubbles out of).

"Hello, today." TL said in a surprisingly sophisticated tone, "I'm TLSoulDude, hosting Ask TLSoulDude…in case you didn't know. This fanfiction simply exists so that I can answer any question you may ask me. Like this one from KingHuffman…"

_Dear TLSoulDude,_

Which Phil Collins song is your favorite? 'Cause I know that mine are Invisible Touch, Can't Stop Loving You, and In Too Deep.

KingHuffman AKA Ryan

"VERY good question. I would say a three-way tie between You'll Be In My Heart, Look Through My Eyes, and Son of Man."

"Next up is from Slop Doggy…"

_Dear TL-sama,_

What was the main reason you and Team Ultima joined the Author Fighters, and why did you choose the appearances and powers you did?

Be safe and well

Slop Doggy

"VERY good question. I guess it's because a friend invited me and I dragged my brothers into it. Fanfiction-wise, just read Re-TL Chronicle."

"Next is from jcogginsa…"

_Dear TLSoulDude,_

_Which is worse, Batman and Robin or Alone in the Dark?_

_Signed, jcogginsa._

"VERY good question. I would say Alone in the Dark. Because I'd rather listen to Mr. Freeze's intolerable ice-based puns than watch Uwe Boll's Texas-sized plot-holes."

"Next one is from my dear friend, Wildrook…"

_TL, I have to ask..._

Nuclear reactor or Magic Bazooka, which would be useful in the destruction of Forks, Washington?

"VERY good question. If you're referring to the town in Twilight, I would recommend the nuclear reactor for TWO reasons: ONE, magic bazookas do not exist. TWO, if you used a nuclear reactor, Forks will become uninhabitable and so no poor, bland girl will NEVER fall in love for an even blander vampire in exchange for the affection of a three-dimensional werewolf."

"This is TLSoulDude saying, if you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask…which also goes for my colorful Twilight bashings."

(He enjoys every minute of those…)


	6. Chapter 6

Ask TLSoulDude

TL was sitting on an armchair while reading "Graphic Novels for Dummies". He looked up, started, put the book away, and pulled out a pipe (which he immediately blew three bubbles out of).

"Hello, today." TL said in a surprisingly sophisticated tone, "I'm TLSoulDude, hosting Ask TLSoulDude…in case you didn't know. This fanfiction simply exists so that I can answer any question you may ask me. Like this one from my dear friend, X Prodigy…"

_Dear TL_

If I showed up your house one morning, kicked you in the nuts, stole all you stuff and banged your girlfriend while you were knocked out -

Which you still be up for coffee on Thursday?

_Signed, X Prodigy._

"Well, FIRST, I would punch you in the face, steal all of your stuff, hit on YOUR girlfriend, and personally castrate you in your sleep. So, no, I wouldn't be up for coffee."

"Next one is from Slop Doggy…"

_all right, TL-sama. after reading RE: TL Chronicle, here's a question: Who do you think is a bigger threat to this world: Drake Darkstar, or Yaoi fangirls?_

Be safe and well

Slop Doggy

"I would have to say Yaoi fangirls. Don't ask why. They just are."

"Next one is from jcogginsa…"

_Dear TLSoulDude,_

_Who would win in a fight, Uwe Boll or Ed Wood?_

_Jcogginsa_

"VERY good question. I would say Uwe Boll because, thankfully, Ed Wood is dead. So yeah, we're tortured either way."

"Next one is from Haller's Demon…"

_Dear TLSoulDude,  
I was curious, do you find it irritating that Twilight is called a horror movie, and is also compared to Romeo and Juliet?  
Anti-Twilighter  
Demon_

"VERY god question. I DO find it irritating that Twilight is called a HORROR movie because, frankly, I've seen PBS shows scarier than that. And comparing it to Romeo and Juliet is an insult to literature."

(Yes. I milk Twilight bashings for ALL it's worth!)

"Next one is from Wildrook…"

_Dear TLSoulDude,_

_Other than that, which would be best for a fanfic review: Heroes of Arcadia or something else that's bad and no one cares about? Just asking because I plan making a parody of the Spoony Experiment..._

_Wildrook_

"VERY good question. I would say something else that's bad and no one cares about…because I have NO freakin' idea what Heroes of Arcadia is."

"Next one is from devoted fan, soraxkairifangirl…"

_Dear TLSoulDude,_

_I have a question: What's your favorite Disney movie?_

_Signed, soraxkairifangirl_

"VERY good question. The world of Disney is so varied and wonderful, I must admit. But, if I must choose my favorite, it would be Lion King…closely followed by Hunchback of Notre Dame."

"This is TLSoulDude saying that, if you ask for any information about how much I hate Twilight or how much I love Disney animated movies, don't hesitate to ask."

(Living recording device!)


	7. Chapter 7

Ask TLSoulDude

TL was sitting on an armchair while reading "Graphic Novels for Dummies". He looked up, started, put the book away, and pulled out a pipe (which he immediately blew three bubbles out of).

"Hello, today." TL said in a surprisingly sophisticated tone, "I'm TLSoulDude, hosting Ask TLSoulDude…in case you didn't know. This fanfiction simply exists so that I can answer any question you may ask me. Like this one from jjb88…"

_Dear TLSoulDude,_

_Here is a question:  
Would you see The Princess and The Frog?_

_Signed, jjb88_

"VERY good question. The answer is…without a second's hesitation."

"Next one is from DarkMagicianmon…"

_Dear TLSoulDude,_

_You are in love with Hanabi Hyuga right? Well what would you do if she did go back to Drake all on her own accord?_

_Signed, DarkMagicianmon._

"VERY good question. I actually have a trilogy based on that idea, but don't expect if for a LONG time."

"The next question is from soraxkairifangirl…"

_Dear TLSoulDude,_

_Which do you prefer: Disney Channel, Cartoon Network, or Nickelodeon?_

_Signed, soraxkairifangirl._

"VERY good question. All-in-all, I'd have to say Nickelodeon. Because it still has good stuff—Spongebob Squarepants, iCarly, Drake and Josh, Fairly Oddparents, and so on."

_Dear TLSoulDude:_

If anyone would ever give you a bad review for your story for no reason, what would you do to the person if they were standing right next to them?

Signed: Angelthewingedcat

"VERY good question. All I can say is that my actions would be swift and unspeakable."

"Next is from Dimentio713…"

_Dear TLSoulDude,_

_Would you watch a giant house destroy Forks, Washington? What's your favorite color? And what do you feel about our nation as it is today?_

_Signed, Dimentio713._

"VERY good questions. To answer them in order…"

"Yes, I WOULD watch something destroy the city in Twilight. But I would prefer Godzilla."

"My favorite color is green."

"And I think the nation today is as bad as it was in the Carter administration, if not, worse. Don't ask why. I hate being involved in stuff like politics."

"This is TLSoulDude saying, if you need ambiguous information about upcoming fanfictions of mine, please hesitate to ask. My non-spoiler policy prevents me from giving anything up."

(LIAR!)


	8. Chapter 8

Ask TLSoulDude

Sgt. Reynol was sitting on an armchair while reading "Love Hina". He grinned in a perverted manner, but then looked up, started, put the book away, and pulled out a pipe (which he immediately blew three bubbles out of).

"Oh, hi." Ray said in a surprisingly sophisticated tone, "I'm Sgt. Reynol, hosting Ask TLSoulDude…for some reason, I'm sure. As TL explained multiple times, this fanfiction simply exists so that I can answer any question you may ask me. Like this one from (name and address withheld)…"

_Dear TLSoulDude,_

_My mommy is spanking me and sending me to my room without supper. What should I do?_

_Sincerely yours, (name and address withheld)._

"VERY good question." Reynol replied, "I would suggest…stabbing her in the back with an ice-pick. Did the same thing to MY mother when I was nine."

"Next one is from Dezblade…"

_Dear TLSoulDude,_

_Why did the chicken ever cross the road?_

Dezblade

"VERY good question." Reynol said, "But the simple answer is…to get to the other side."

"Next one is from Reedom…"

_Dear TLSoulDude,_

Why does Disney have a habit of including death in their movies? (Eg. Bambi, Lion King, Princess and the Frog, ect.)

-Reedom

Also, Pacman vs. The Kool-Aid Man. Who would win?

"VERY good questions. I would have to say…for dramatic emphasis and Kool-Aid Man."

(Kool-Aid Man: Oh, yeah!)

"Next one is from Angelthewingedcat…"

_Dear TLSoulDude_

I heard you hate Sora x Ariel. How would you act if Kingdom Hearts made there two a couple with how many people like the couple?

Signed Angelthewingedcat

"VERY good question." Reynol said, "I would probably hunt them down, pull out my ninjato, gut them, bathe myself in their life essence, and then hang their corpses by their…wait, was that out loud?"

"This is Sgt. Reynol saying, PLEASE get the right address next time." Reynol stated. Someone muttered something from off-camera. Reynol appeared startled by the information, "What? This IS the right address? It's an April Fool's Day joke?! OH, GREAT."

(APRIL FOOL!)


	9. Chapter 9

A white hedgehog was sitting on a chair, reading a novel, and blowing bubbles from a pipe.

"Oh, greetings." He said, closing the book, "This is Ask TLSoulDude...and yes, I'm back in business."

(Ask TLSoulDude)

(Dear TLSoulDude

Do you love me?)

TL stared, looking disturbed.

(Kidding, here's the real question)

"Whew, thank goodness." TL sighed in relief.

(Dear TLSoulDude

"What is option five?" TL asked, "Simple, really: all of the above."

(I have a figure with broken feet, should I replace it? It broke from me pulling it from the twisty ties.)

"Well, it's too late for a refund." TL said, "So, I'd recommend giving it off to an annoying relative. Christmas, birthdays, everything works. I do that EVERY year at Christmas."

"Somehow, I wind up with coal in my stocking." TL said, "And a fist in my face. Must have missed the pattern at some point."

(Do you think it would be legal for chickens to marry hobos?)

"Well, with our current president, it might become a law soon enough." TL replied, "In fact, do you wanna a secret? I am the president."

"Yes, the reason I was gone was because I was busy blackmailing Obama." TL said, "Of course, by that, I mean I shoved him into a package and sent him to the Taliban for hostage. The president you keep seeing on TV is an evil clone, which is why he's making such bone-headed moves."

"Not the best choice on my behalf." TL said, "I'm...making a resignation after this episode."

(I feel an urge to have sex with Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but at the same time, I also have an urge to bang Daphne out of her wits... which one should I choose?)

TL laughed in an uncomfortable way before saying, "There is something SERIOUSLY wrong with you. So, I recommend therapy sessions. It worked with me."

"My psychiatrist is none other than Steve the Hollow." TL continued, "His main method was 'the punch treatment'. With that, we discuss my problems...and then he punches them out of me."

"My jaw shattered like a cheap coffee mug." TL concluded.

(If a Bigfoot gave you and your brothers the finger, what would you guys do?)

"Trap him, shave him, and sell him as an illegal immigrant." TL said, "Customs believe ANYTHING these days."

"I snuck three nuclear warheads into the country by saying that they were actually cuckoo clocks." TL continued, "Then again, that might have been because the officer was drunk...or a chimpanzee."

"Yeah." TL simply said.

"This is Ask TLSoulDude, saying there's no such thing as a stupid question." TL concluded before adding, "Until you say it out loud, that is."


	10. Chapter 10

A white hedgehog was sitting on a chair, reading a novel, and blowing bubbles from a pipe.

"Oh, greetings." He said, closing the book, "This is Ask TLSoulDude."

(Ask TLSoulDude)

(What is the BEST flavor of ice cream?)

"That's a very good question." TL replied, "And I'd have to say that the best flavor is...squirrel brains."

"You'd like it. It tastes like chocolate ice cream if someone vomited in it weeks ago." TL continued, "Though I can never find it in stores. Whenever I ask an employee if they have any, they activate the silent alarm."

TL shrugged before saying, "It's always better home-made, anyway."

(If you had to chose to fight one of the Mortal Kombat fighters (more likely Sub-Zero or Scorpion) or going on a date to a Twilight Movie, which would it be?)

"Oh, I think the answer to that is obvious." TL said, "I'd choose fighting Scorpion."

"Indeed, I would rather be impaled than having to sit through Stephanie Meyer's sexual fantasy." TL continued, "Because that series does not exist in heaven."

(Querida TLAmigoDeAlma,

Crees que Español es una lengua molesta a utilizar para hacer preguntas?

Me da gusto saludarlos y seguiremos en contacto.

Tu artista y amiga,

SaireNaoriva)

"That' pregunta muy buena del S.A." TL replied, in Spanish, "Y tengo una respuesta. Por supuesto it' s que molesta, usted monstruo del enfermo. Especialmente en vista de que hablo solamente inglés. ¡Para eso, debo buscarle para tragar, para destriparle, y para empujar su intestino abajo de su garganta! ¡Desecho poco Fictorian! ¡USTED DEBE MORIR! Necesito ayuda psiquiátrica…"

(If Mario Kart were a real sport, and you were the host of it, what kind of items would you include?)

"Guns." TL replied, "Lots and lots of GUNS. That and those fun, little blue shells. Never get tired of throwing those. And stars. Lots and lots of STARS."

(Could switching to Geico really save you 15% or more on car insurance?)

"Insert rhetorical question that answers 'yes' here." TL replied.

(I'm trapped in my house and zombies are everywhere. What should I do?)

"Well, you have four options for that." TL replied, "You could..."

A. grab a chainsaw and go Left-4-Dead on them

B. saw off the barrel of a shotgun and say 'groovy'

C. try finding Bruce Cambell or Woody Harrleson

D. get into a fetal position and hope there is a God, for soon, you shall find out

"Take your pick." TL said.

(Change? You got change? C'mon, help a guy out, will ya?)

"Nope." TL simply said, "I'm just a jerk that way. Besides, there are plenty of vending machines who are just as unfortunate."

(Have you ever played any first-person shooters like Halo or Call of Duty?)

"Yep." TL replied, "I'm particularly fond of Call of Duty: Black Ops. But don't expect to find me online because I only play in combat training. I like to think of the computer players as little copies of Agent Smith from 'The Matrix'. So, every time I shoot one, I kill a character played by Hugo Weaving."

"In fact, do you want to know a secret?" TL asked. He leaned in close before saying, in a low voice, "I'M Agent Smith."

"I'm surprised no one saw it sooner." TL chuckled, "How else do you explain my dashing good looks, sophisticated nature, ability to turn anyone I touch into a follower of mine, love of all things technological, and desire to kill Keanu Reeves."

"I even have my own copy called Agent Johnson working as my secretary." TL said, "Agent Johnson, say hello."

What appeared to be Agent Smith was shuffling through papers, but lifted his head just enough to say, "No."

"Isn't he GREAT?" TL asked.

"This is TLSoulDude saying that there's no such thing as a stupid question." TL said before adding, "Until you say it out loud."


	11. Chapter 11

A white hedgehog was sitting on a chair, reading a novel, and blowing bubbles from a pipe.

"Oh, greetings." He said, closing the book, "This is Ask TLSoulDude."

(Ask TLSoulDude)

(There's psycho killer on the lose and he wants to kill me, rape my dead corpse and burn it to the ground! How much money can a psycho killer make?)

"That's a VERY good question." TL said, "And the answer depends on whether or not the psycho is paid for his job. If he IS, you can buy him off with about $45. If he's NOT, I suggest going toAfrica, where all you have to worry about are crocodiles, hippos, and malaria-infested mosquitos."

(Would you rather hang out with Edward Cullen or have a date with Hanabi to a dangerous factory full of razor-sharp weapons that are about to kill you?)

"As I've said multiple times on Twilight-related questions, I'd rather DIE than do anything Twilight-related outside of reviews." TL replied, "Plus, if I go to the factory, I can save Hanabi and look even more heroic. If not, I can die assured that Twilight cannot enter heaven. It's a win-win situation."

(Will North Korea ever take over the world one day?)

"Yes. In fact, they already have." TL said, "In fact, this is a channel where I rally the rebels in order to-"

Gunshots rang through the building.

(Please stand by...)

"I am so sorry about that." TL continued in an obvious Korean accent and lips moving out of synch, "Make a note that Korea has NOT taken over the world and I am not rallying the rebels."

(If Drake Darkstar and BlackNova were handcuffed together in one of those solitary confinement chambers in some remote asylum, would they settle their differences and use their combined talents to design an escape, or would their rivalry turn into hostility and escalate into an all-out brawl?)

"Do I HAVE to choose?" TL asked.

(YES.)

"I'd go with option B." TL said, "At least THAT would be entertaining."

(If you could have three wishes folowing the three rules of Aladin what would you wish for?)

"Well, I have rhythm. I have music. Who could ask for anything more?" TL asked.

(Are you ALWAYS this mean?)

"Yes." TL simply said, "If you don't believe me, ask Agent Johnson."

Agent Johnson was simply looking through another folder before looking up and answering, "He is."

"What a guy." TL said, cheerfully.

(How much do you hate writer's block?)

"I loathe it entirely." TL said, "In fact, I've killed people because of it."

"Yes." TL simply said.

"This is TLSoulDude saying that there's no such thing as a stupid question." TL said before blowing bubbles out of his pipe and adding, "Until you say it out loud."


	12. Chapter 12

A white hedgehog was sitting on a chair, reading a novel, and blowing bubbles from a pipe.

"Oh, greetings. Didn't see you come in." He said, closing the book, "This is Ask TLSoulDude."

(Ask TLSoulDude)

(Who does my kitty tell me to burn things?)

"That's a VERY good question." TL said, "And the reason your kitty tells you to burn things is because your kitty is a hallucination. Don't listen to it. It will eventually force you to assassinate your state's governor and allow Steve the Hollow to take over the world."

"Yes." TL nodded.

(You know what killed the Dinosaurs?)

"This had BETTER not be going where I think it is." TL said.

(The Ice Age!)

BANG!

TL had a smoking handgun in his fist before putting it back into his robe.

(Considering the state of the US economy, how long do you think it will be before we undergo another Great Depression... and how many millionaires do you think will jump out of the windows?)

"Five seconds." TL said. He stood there, waiting, before saying, "Well, looks like I was-" a phone suddenly began ringing, "Hold on."

TL picked up a cell phone and opened it, "Hello? What? I'M BANKRUPT?" TL immediately jumped out the nearest window.

He walked back in with sticks and leaves in his fur and multiple bruises.

"It's hard to kill yourself like THAT when you live in a two-story house." TL stated.

(Have you made a deal with the devil?)

"No." TL said, "He's not nice." TL leaned in close before whispering, "He cheats at Scrabble. Just a word for the wise."

(What is this: Sparta or Athens?)

"I WOULD answer, except I'm not in underwear, wearing a cape, holding a sword, or have giant teeth." TL answered.

"Oh, and this is Sparta and...stuff." TL added, "Yeah."

(Oh, hai, author. How is your sex life?)

TL simply stared before simply saying, "This had better not be who I think it is."

(Who are you?)

"Who am I? Are you sure you want to know? The story of my life is NOT for the faint of heart." TL asked with an intense voice, "I am terror! I am the night! I protect the galaxy from the evil Emperor Zurg! I am the One! I am the Walrus! I am Legend! I am a MAN! I am..." TL waited a few seconds before finishing, "Absolutely bonkers."

(Would making a fanfic of the Neo Author Fighters about Neo Wanderer's adventure's work?)

"It COULD, if the creator of the fic has a hand in it and gives you advice on how the characters act." TL said, "But don't pester me too often or else I will stab you in the face with a Stiletto."

"This is TLSoulDude saying that there's no such thing as a stupid question." TL said before blowing bubbles out of his pipe and adding, "Until you say it out loud."


	13. Chapter 13

A white hedgehog was sitting on a chair, reading a novel, and blowing bubbles from a pipe.

"Oh, greetings. Didn't see you come in." He said, closing the book, "This is Ask TLSoulDude."

(Ask TLSoulDude)

(What would you do if I punched Mr. Freeze in the face after he said one of those stupid ice puns?)

"That's a VERY good question." TL said, "And I would give you an award for it. The 'You Just Punched the Governator' Award. Yes."

(What is the best way to stalk a stalker without being called one?)

"You have to become a stalker and stalk a stalker who already stalks a stalking stalker." TL replied, "Try saying that five times fast. Yes."

(Yi (equal) beta (times) Xi (plus) ui for i (equal) = 1,2  
You are told that u1 ~ N (0, deltasquare) and u2 ~ N (0, 2 (times) deltasquare) and they were statistically independent. So, I'm asked to say what would be the OLS estimator? And its variance?)

TL's head exploded.

(Are we humans descendants of Martians?)

"Of course not." TL replied with a chuckle, "Quite obviously, we are not. Only complete nutjobs like Richard Dawkins believe that. As if we humans were descendants of green creatures with big eyes...though it's the only explanation as to why I have the urge to lay my eggs in your chest..."

"Yes." TL simply said.

(Do you garden? If so, what?)

"The answer is yes, yes I do." TL replied, "I garden the souls of the condemned. I got them from a red guy with horns and a tail. How, you may ask? I won them in a game of poker...which involved stabbing him with a pitchfork. But I take very good care of them, don't I souls?"

"HELP US! SAVE US! HE'S A MANIAC!" various voices screamed from off-camera.

"Such delightful people." TL nodded.

(Do you have Prince Albert in a can?)

"Yes, he's right here." TL said, holding up a can. Muffled screams came from inside of it. TL chuckled before putting it back on the nightstand, "Such a goofball...yes."

(If it's Lunatic who's reviewing fanfics here, why are the reviews posted using your name?)

"You see, Lunatic the 121st does not actually exist." TL explained, "In fact, he is actually me. Yes, I disguise myself as a spiky-haired, insane, philosophical critic who's two years younger than me."

"No, you don't!" Lunatic shouted as he pulled out his AA-12 shotgun.

"Or maybe not..." TL whimpered before concluded, "This is TLSoulDude saying there's no such thing as a stupid question until you say it out loud."

TL then screamed before running away from the enraged critic.


	14. Chapter 14

A white hedgehog was sitting on a chair, reading a novel, and blowing bubbles from a pipe.

"Oh, greetings. Didn't see you come in." He said, closing the book, "This is Ask TLSoulDude."

(Ask TLSoulDude)

(What would you think if someone painted Obama's face like a clown?)

"That's a VERY good question." TL said, "And the answer is that I'd think I'd call it patriotism."

(BOO! BOO!)

"SHUT UP!" TL shouted, "SHUT UP! SHUT UP!"

(If America from Hetalua is a manifestation of the United States, would we get a tsunami if he took a bath?)

"That's a VERY good question..." TL said. He waited a few seconds before saying, "Wait, no it's not. It's one of the stupidest questions I've ever heard."

(Why was Nukid Batman instead of Ranger?)

"Well, I DO have an answer for that. And that answer is..."

(WHOOPS! Technical difficulties, please stand by!)

"And THAT'S why." TL concluded.

(But...you didn't say anything. You just waited a few seconds before saying 'And THAT'S why'.)

"I know. I'm never going to say it...unless, of course, it's Ranger." TL's eyes slowly widened as he put his pipe back into his mouth, "That man scares me."

He pulled his pipe out as something hit him and he said, "Wait, you're still ON ABOU THAT? The story was finished YEARS ago! Stop living in the past. The present misses you. Go and run. Run-run-run."

"Yes." TL simply said.

(Who would you rather fight; Bane (From the Batman: Arkham Asylum game, not Batman and Robin), Two-Face (From the Dark Knight), or team up with them to fight Edward Cullen?)

"Okay, y'know what? I'm SICK of answering Twilight-related questions. Every time I put up one of these stories, there's always someone asking about Twilight, even though I made it my business to say that I hate everything about that series!" TL said, irritably, "You know what? Why don't YOU answer these questions?"

TL pulled off his robe and put it behind the camera, "HERE'S THE ROBE! HERE'S THE BOOK!" TL shoved the book off-camera before pulling out his pipe, "Take your pipe!"

He shoved the pipe into the camera.

"Yeah, now YOU know how it feels!" TL said. He then said, in a high, obnoxious voice, "Hey! Do you think Ed Cullen's GAY or HOT? Is Twilight the worse thing ever? You've answered it SO MANY TIMES, but I'm asking anyway!"

TL sniffed a few times before saying, "It's never easy, is it? That is why I put myself in that position. So, let me take the robe, let me read the book, and let me blow bubbles out of the pipe."

TL took back the bathrobe, book, and pipe.

"Oh and I'd team up with them to wail on the guy." TL said, "Seriously, what STRAIGHT man takes off his shirt in public? Aside from athletes and male strippers."

(What is your name?)

"TLSoulDude."

(What is your quest?)

"I seek the Grail!"

(What is your favorite color?)

"Green."

(Oh, uh, never mind. Forget I was here.)

"I'll try." TL said.

(Does she look like a witch?)

"I don't think that's the right line..." TL said.

BANG!

TL suddenly recoiled and clutched his arm.

(DOES...SHE...LOOK...LIKE...A WITCH?)

"NO!" TL screamed.

(What is the square root of pi?)

"Applesauce." TL simply said.

"Yes."

(I am thinking of a number between one and one hundred. What is it?)

"Thirty-six." TL said. He pulled out a revolver and pulled back the hammer. He had an oddly disturbing smile on his face before saying, "It's thirty-six..."

(Where are you?)

TL was mysteriously absent, save for a giant, colorful present. Suddenly, TL popped out of the top.

"Here I am!" TL exclaimed.

(What are you doing when the camera isn't on you?)

"Shooting hoops." TL replied.

"This is TLSoulDude, saying there is no such thing as a stupid question..." TL then pulled off his bathrobe to show a basketball jersey, "Until you say it out loud."

TL then bolted out of the room as a whistle blew.


	15. Chapter 15

A white hedgehog was sitting on a chair, reading a novel, and blowing bubbles from a pipe.

"Oh, greetings. Didn't see you come in." He said, closing the book, "This is Ask TLSoulDude."

(Ask TLSoulDude)

(I seek advice. My sister is living in my house even though she has a home of her own, which is taking WAY TOO LONG for her to move into, and during her stay she shows no respect toward anyone else in the household and is a complete slob!  
...So, what kind of outfit should I wear when I throw her out?)

"That's a VERY good question and the answer is wear your best tux." TL replied, "Ask her if she'd go out to dinner with you, avoid awkward questions, and the moment she steps out of the car, drive away as fast as you can."

"That's how I deal with Insane Critic intruding on my show." TL chuckled.

"Toast." TL simply said.

(Why did you say "toast"?)

"Because mayonnaise was too predictable." TL shrugged.

"I like pork." TL stated.

(What's black and white and red all over?)

"That would be your decaying corpse if you ever ask one of those questions again." TL answered.

"Yes."

(Will it blend?)

"Oh yes." TL said, imitating Tim Curry from IT, "It'll blend...they'll ALL blend." TL suddenly slammed both hands on his chair and shouted in a very over-the-top manner, "AND YOU'LL BLEND, TOO!"

A few awkward seconds passed before TL got back into his original pose and asked, "What was the question again?"

(Who would you least want run into in a dark alley?  
A certain someone in a green cloak or a certain Jashin worshipper?)

"Personally, I don't think I'd run into either of them." TL said, "Unless you're referring to a leprechaun street-flasher or AdventChild."

"Leprechaun street flashers are so annoying." TL said, "Every time you meet one, they ask you if you want their pot of gold. OF COURSE, you say 'yes', then they just..."

TL turned around before quickly opening his bathrobe and then closing it just as quickly. He turned around then said, "And then you punch the little freak."

"As for AdventChild...obvious reasons." TL said. He leaned in close and whispered, "I owe him a jar of pickles..."

"Yes." TL said.

(I'm having problems with Ocarina of Time, got any advice for me?)

"Axe the cartridge." TL said, "Most people would say 'look a walkthrough online' or 'get a game guide', but I feel axing your game makes your feel happier as well as the feeling that destroying inanimate objects gives you power."

"You won't be able to get your money for it back, but you'd lose money ANYWAY in this economy." TL said.

"Yes."

(If Monkey D. Luffy can stretch any part of his body, can he also stretch his-)

"I'm skipping you." TL stated before muttering, "Gaywad..."

(What does B-O stand for?)

"Barack Obama." TL answered.

(BOO! BOO!)

"SHUT UP!" TL shouted, "SHUT UP! SHUT UP! I'M SICK OF HAVING TO DEAL WITH YOU WHENEVER I CRACK A POLITICAL JOKE! SHUT UP!"

(Is James Nguyen as big a cheapskate as most people make him out to be?)

"Yes." TL simply said, "I thought EVERYONE knew that."

"This is TLSoulDude, saying there's no such thing as a stupid question, until you say it out loud." TL concluded, continuing to read his book.


	16. Chapter 16

A white hedgehog was sitting on a chair, reading a novel, and blowing bubbles from a pipe.

"Oh, greetings. Didn't see you come in." He said, closing the book, "This is Ask TLSoulDude."

(Ask TLSoulDude)

(Unfortunately, I've run out of questions, so... what should I ask?)

"That's a VERY good question." TL said, thoughtfully. He then answered, "And you should ask me 'Will you kindly shoot me in the face?'. To which the answer is YES."

TL pulled out his revolver and pulled back the hammer.

(What do you think of Todd Haberkorn's confessions of love as Italy to Germany, aka Patrick Seitz?)

"The better question is 'why should you care?'." TL answered, "The two characters are ambiguously gay. SO WHAT? I don't get that about yaoi fangirls! Why do you consider that attractive? They're never gonna go for you and you know it! Why do they obsess over this and make STRAIGHT characters gay? Why? Why? WHY?"

"Yes." TL said, calmly.

(What is the airspeed velocity of an unladened swallow?)

"What do you mean?" TL asked, "African or European swallows?"

(Uh...I don't know that...ARRGH!)

TL's eyes looked up and then slowly back down as if watching something rise into the air and then fall.

"He'll be back." TL said.

(Do-)

"Told you." TL grinned.

(Uh, yes, you did.)

"Continue." TL said.

(Do you like Glee?)

"Huh?" TL asked, looking confused.

(Isn't Klaine amazing?)

"Who?" TL asked, looking confused once more.

(Will you marry me?)

"Oh, I WOULD, but I'm already married to my job." TL answered, "And, much like the God of Christianity, my job does not like any rivals." TL leaned in close before whispering, "My job killed me five times for looking at other girls."

"Cheese." TL simply said.

(Can I plan your wedding?)

TL gave a rather disturbed look before saying, "Now you are scaring me. And when something scares me, Agent Johnson goes into a berserk fit."

"No I do not." Agent Johnson deadpanned.

"Of course you do." TL nodded.

"You're not listening." Johnson stated.

"Bacon grease." TL simply said.

"This is Ask TLSoulDude saying there's no such thing as a stupid question until you say it out loud." TL concluded, continuing to read his book and blowing a few bubbles out his pipe.


	17. Chapter 17

A white hedgehog was sitting on a chair, reading a novel, and blowing bubbles from a pipe.

"Oh, greetings. Didn't see you come in." He said, closing the book, "This is Ask TL-"

"Holy crap! This place is awesome! How does he afford this?" An unknown voice boomed. Said voice came into view as a Hispanic guy with glasses, messy spiked hair, gray sweater, and green pants.

"Insanus Abe! What are you doing here?" asked TL.

"I got bored and came here."

"How did you get inside?"

"Oh, that? I broke in." Said Insanus in a strangely cheerful voice. "By the way, you need to get a new door. And stronger hinges."

"O-kay, I guess you can stay here now." TL said, "But, I would just like to warn you that some of these questions are a little on the disturbing side."

"I think I can handle it. Maybe I'll give some answers of my own." Said Insanus, again in a strangely cheerful voice.

"Okay." TL shrugged.

(Ask TLSoulDude...and Insanus Abe)

(What do you think would happen if I kidnapped you, sent you to Antarctica without any rations, and took your place on the show?)

"That's a VERY good question." TL stated before saying, "And the answer is that, if you did, I would rig this place to explode. Granted, I'll be freezing to death in Antarctica, but you'll be blown to pieces. Basically, I will die happy."

"Yes." TL said. He looked over to Insanus and asked, "Do you get that?"

"Not that scary" deadpanned Insanus. TL soon gave a dissapointed frown.

"That wasn't disturbing enough?" Said the hedgehog, before taking an angry look. "Well, why don't you ANSWER the next question?"

Insanus soon grinned with delight. "Gladly."

(Why do people do drugs when going for a nice walk will make them happy and not kill them?)

"Now that's a very good question." Replied Insanus. "The reason to that is, because drugs contain a zombie virus."

TL gave a inquisitive look as the crazed man continued. "You see, all those illegal drugs contain a zombie virus that has turn their brains into a giddy mush that makes them happy. Although, it makes you do stupid things. I've tried them before, and I still remember the time when I ran down Westboro Baptist Church members with a tractor."

TL soon turned and gave Insanus a horrified look. Insanus continued on "Yes. Now why doesn't it kill you? It's a zombie virus! You're a brainless wreck already! But this is a special virus that only makes you hunger for drugs. That and it gives you the strange cravings for bizarre cuisines, like human dandruff."

TL gave out another horrified look.

"It kinda tastes like chicken, but if you sprinkle some oregano..."

"Why don't we get onto the next question? PLEASE." quickly replied TL.

(Are you a cat person or a dog person?)

TL looked ready to answer, but was cut off by Insanus Abe.

"I am neither person actually." said Insanus.

TL gave out a confused look. "You're not?"

Insanus gave out a small chuckle. "No, I am actually a bird person."

"Oh, what kind of bird?"

"Eh, it's not really natural bird. It's a large giant robot bird that goes out every day to hunt down its prey. Yes it can eat meat. But it hunts them down with twin machine guns and rips apart the prey, bullet after bullet. It's such a wonderful show."

TL looked horrified and disgusted. However, Insanus soon began to approach the hedgehog menacingly. "And if my bird ever eats you, your soul is consumed by him, and there will not be an afterlife for you..."

TL stood shocked, while Insanus stared with a deadpan expression.

(What's stupider: Family Guy or Barack Obama?)

"Actually both are stupid, but the only one more stupid are trolls. I hate those guys. Living underneath bridges, attacking poor innocent goats, and causing destruction onto the Internet is far too much for me." Insanus proudly said. TL looked relieved for a minute. "So that is why I am organizing an army of crazed psychopaths to hunt them down, kill them, loot their bodies, and subsequently eat them."

TL grew more and more terrified at each passing word while Insanus simply grinned.

"But I don't eat people, of course. Instead, I eat their pets. I had some fine goldfish the other day, and saved enough for my robo-bird to eat. Delicious."

A few seconds pass...

"But that's life isn't it? You can't pass by 10 minutes before talking about trolls. Right?"

Utter silence.

"I said RIGHT?" roared Insanus while TL cowered and whimpered in fear.

"...right.." replied the hedgehog in a shrill voice.

"I forgot what I was talking about..."

"...Uh, trolls?"

"Thank you. You've been good." said Insanus as he patted TL on the head, as he whimpered.

(I'm almost afraid to ask this...)

"DO IT!" Insanus ordered.

(If you could go talk to Stephanie Meyer, the author of Twilight, what would you tell and do to her? Give all of the details...)

Insanus was not blowing bubble into the pipe, while TL hid in a corner, whimpering.

"Well, she's had enough of being called the Uwe Boll of Literature, but if you want to continue with a more...frightening approach, you could call her the worst words imaginable. My favorite is "poopyhead". Then you could lock her into a cold basement and force her to watch the most worst films imaginable, like say The Room by Tommy Wiseau, or my personal recommendation, Dragonball: Evolution. And while she stays in that cold cold room without food and seeing these crappy films, she will know the pain she dealt to the true vampires." growled Insanus.

"PAIN!"

TL looked over and shed a tear in fear.

(You're surrounded by a bunch of terrorists all pointing AKs at you. You're armed only with a butter knife. How do you get out of this?)

"Oh, please. A butter knife? Well, if you insist. I would you the butter knife and stab out the nearest guys arm out, and quickly walk through and get his guns. Now, I know what you're thinking: won't you be dead from numerous bullets? Well after we got Osama bin Laden, the terrorists have become weak and useless. Heck, they're even using NERF guns instead. Not to mention that they have worse aim than Stormtroopers. Buy anyway, I'd get the NERF gun and beat them all to death with it. And sell their bodies to science, like to Dr. Insano. Yes."

TL came behind Insanus armed with a pistol before Insanus elbowed TL in the gut before uppercutting him.

"I cannot be stopped."

(Oh Lordie Lordie...anyway...uh...I've accidentally burned down my house, killed all my friends and family, and am now bent on World Domination. So what brand of bread should I buy?)

Insanus looked down onto the floor behind him. "You want answer this one?"

A small groan came from the ground, obviously saying no.

"You sure? All right then. I would get the bread that tastes like rotten shark skin."

"OH MY LORD!" (or something around these lines)

"Apparently, it tastes pretty sweet. Almost like a combination of fish with fungus. But make sure that you have weevils living inside them. The crunchy ones add a lot of flavor to it." Insanus soon licked his lips.

"Sweet mother of mercy..." TL groaned.

(What are your thoughts on the second and third Transformers films?)

TL ran back up quickly, having his hair now all crazy.

"NO! YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE ANYMORE! GOT TO SOMETHING ELSE!" yelled TL before Insanus pushed him away. He looked back with a grin.

"Well, you see, I thought both were decent, but they really needed something more. If I was in charge, I'd have giant lasers that would burn up robots and people and turn them into skeletons. We also need spiked wheels so when they run over people...Ooh, that'd be amazing. Not only that, but I want to see them bomb WBC. On second thought, why not have Godzilla in? I'd like to see him smash the buildings and blow apart the world. Epicness..."

"CALL THE SEALS!" TL screamed at the top of his lungs.

(You feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?)

"Oh, I can't tell you how many times I've been asked this. And yes, I feel lucky. You want to know why? Because I just managed to win the lottery. Because I just killed terrorists with NERF guns. Because I smoked a heck of drugs. Because I fed my killer soul-eating robo-bird. Becuase I have eaten the pets of trolls, traumatized Stephanie Meyer, and eaten shark skin bread." Insanus proudly said as strangely heroic music said as he stood with his hips as his sides.

Then he looked straight at the audience with a deranged grin. "And also because I'm going to torture TLSoulDude!" He ran to the side as we heard screams, smashing, and strangely enough, a cow mooing.

TL ran back, now having his robe torn, his hair all messed and (for some reason) burnt, and the pipe stuck in his ear.

"THIS IS ASK TLSOULDUDE! THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A STUPID QUESTION UNTIL...HOLY CRAP!"

TL ran again as Insanus chased his holding a giant tuna fish and chainsaw in each hand while frothing at his mouth.

_HAPPY HALLOWEEN! Credit to Madness Abe for co-writing this._


	18. Chapter 18

A white hedgehog was sitting on a chair, reading a novel, and blowing bubbles from a pipe.

"Oh, greetings. Didn't see you come in." He said, closing the book, "This is Ask TLSoulDude."

(Ask TLSoulDude)

(What is a man?)

"That's a VERY good question." TL said, "And I have the answer right here..."

TL held up a dictionary before reading aloud, "A human of the male gender."

TL lowered the dictionary before asking, "Why is that such a difficult question?"

(Be aware that the Darkspear Troll Tribe has just filed a class action lawsuit against-)

"Wrong address." TL simply said, "Next."

(With the creation of the new My Little Pony cartoon, ponies have taken over the Internet. What do you feel about this?)

"I think it is very cruel and unusual." TL answered, "Why? Because a pony has come into my house and completely taken over. Whenever he says 'play', I am forced to wear a fishing hat, overalls, and sing 'Row-Row-Row Your Boat' day and night. It is the most embarrassing thing ever, but do not tell him that. If he hears anything about that sort of thing, he shoves yams up my nose and anchovies in my ears. I am simply at his control and there is no-"

"PLAY!" came a low, demonic voice.

Suddenly, TL was wearing a fishing hat and overalls over his bath robe and sang, "Row-row-row your boat, gently down the stream! Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!"

TL then noticed that there was silence and quickly removed the pieces of clothing.

(When will Sarge Ray update his-)

"Wrong person to ask. NEXT." TL deadpanned.

(Why am I the only one who asks sane questions?)

"The answer to that is simple-you're not normal." TL said, "In fact, none of us are truly normal."

"It may come as a complete surprise to you that a gray, anthropomorphic hedgehog who wears a bathrobe, glasses, blows bubbles out a pipe, and reads God-only-knows-what is not something you see every day." TL said, "It is even less normal if he lives with a rip-off of Agent Smith form The Matrix as well as a-"

"PLAY!" Pony ordered.

TL was immediately back in his fishing attire, "Row-row-row your boat, gently down the stream! Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream!"

TL was suddenly back in his normal attire before shouting, "SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU!"

(Does anyone really ask you questions or do you have some guy in the background that asks them for ya? aka a brother?)

"You know, I have been wondering about that concept for a while now as well." TL answered, "But now, let us find out!"

TL walked off-screen. A few seconds passed before he walked back and sat back into his chair.

"Figured as much." He said.

"This is TLSoulDude, saying there is no such thing as a stupid question until you say-"

"PLAY!" Pony ordered.

TL was immediately back in his fishing attire, "Row-row-row your boat, gently down the stream! Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream!"

"AND PEOPLE WONDER WHY I HAVE SELF-ESTEEM ISSUES!" TL pined.


	19. Chapter 19

A white hedgehog was sitting on a chair, reading a novel, and blowing bubbles from a pipe.

"Oh, aloha. Didn't see you come in." He said, closing the book, "Greetings and welcome to Ask TLSoulDude."

(Ask TLSoulDude)

(Why do Atheists celebrate Christmas if they don't believe in Jesus?)

"That's a VERY good question..." TL said. He simply remained silent for a few seconds before moving onto the next question.

(Have you updated your security system since Inasanus Abe broke in?)

"Oh, most certainly." TL answered, "In fact, let us see that security system right now!"

Outside, Insanus Abe was trying to break in, ala picking the lock. Immediately, a surge of green energy shot through the keyhole, coursed through his body, and caused him to fall down in a smoking heap.

"Don't ask how I came across that." TL said.

(How did you come across that security system?)

BANG!

TL shot his revolver before putting it away.

(Anderberry Klaine is amazing, isn't it?)

"Who are you and why do you keep asking that?" TL asked, irritably.

(What are your thoughts on chicks and how they dig giant robots?)

"Well, I WOULD say robosexuals, like in Futurama, but I am very much confused by it." TL said, "WHY do chicks dig giant robots? They're not really that attractive! I TRIED attracting ladies like that last week!"

"I wound up in pitched combat with Optimus Prime and, long story short, the winner was obviously Prime." TL said, "I suffered a humiliating defeat, but I went down knowing that I took half of New Orleans with me. Must take the good with the bad."

"Yes." TL said.

(What was in the brief case in Pulp Fiction?)

TL's eyes darted back and forth before he cautiously suggested, "Pop Tarts...?"

(Old Chinese Sage: IT'S NOT POP TARTS!)

(Wanna trade your pipe for three Vikings tickets?)

"NO!" TL said, hiding the bubble pipe from the camera view, "I raised it myself! I got it when it was just a little bubble wand! YOU'LL HAVE IT WHEN YOU PRY IT FROM MY COLD, DEAD-"

(Give ya ten bucks for it.)

"Oh, okay." TL shrugged in a surprisingly calm voice as he tossed the pipe off-camera, "I have ten more anyway."

(Do you read smut/lemons?)

"Now, that is a very personal question." TL said, "But, I WILL answer it. Smut, I am not so sure of. But I HAVE read a lemon."

TL held up the traditional fruit of the same name.

"I can't believe people find a sour fruit so pornographic or controversial." TL said as he put it away and murmured, "Lemons, REALLY?"

(What will happen if you answer this question?)

"I dunno, let's find out!" TL answered.

(DING!)

TL was immediately replaced with a small doll with black skin, an afro, sunglasses, and "hip" clothing worthy of 2004.

"OH NO, I'M MILES THIRST!" TL/Miles screamed.

"This is Miles Thirst sayin' there ain't no such thing as a stupid question until ya say it out loud." TL/Miles concluded before shouting, "SHOW 'EM MY MOTTO!"

(OBEY YOUR THIRST!)


End file.
